From the article’s conclusion:
“‘And what of me? For the moment in third grade, but next year it’s fourth, and then fifth, and then ninth, and then college, and then middle age, and then, in time’s fullness, I’ll altogether cease. Oh, my life. What am I doing with my life?’ Jacobs has since taken his mind off the subject by trying to find school binders that don’t have totally stupid graphics on them.”